DMV Waiting area
1. A man in his bathrobe sporting black patten-leather clogs complete with white ankle socks.
2. A woman somewhere in her 50’s dawning black lipstick and a pack of ciggies hangin’ out her brassiere. Now that’s hot.
3. Grown men and women with full-blown cankles. Not only seen on chubby babies any longer.
4. Out-of-hand, screaming children, uncontrolled by their parents.
5. Me, fully entertained during my entire 2 hour wait.
I struggle to not be anxious or apprehensive, even when there is nothing to be anxious or apprehensive about. I’m sure every woman reading this is nodding in agreement. I woke up this morning feeling very apprehensive, as though waiting for the ball to drop. When I tried to find the root of it, something to pin point the cause of this feeling, I could only come up with a mistake that I had made yesterday that was somewhat embarrassing, something I misunderstood that caused some problems. Not big problems, but fixable problems. So why would this relatively small situation yesterday cause me to sleep restlessly and almost dread getting out of bed this morning?
It took some time sitting in my chair this morning reading through Psalms and letting Scripture sift through my heart. The conclusion: I am anxious because I don’t trust God. That’s nothing new. What follower of Christ doesn’t know this or hasn’t been told this hundreds of times? But it is so true. I love how God’s Word is always relevant, even when we’ve heard it a thousand times. The Holy Spirit gently reminded me this morning how long it’s been since I’d yielded my heart to him, to trust that He really is sovereign over every little aspect of my life. To trust that for better or worse, rain or shine, He orchestrates thousands of little details that we call life. So yesterday when I realized my mistake, I turned inwardly, frustrated that I’d not returned that phone call which had caused this unpleasant situation, because at that moment, I was all that I had, and I had failed. I was all I was depending on.
Had I been trusting God and remembering throughout the day that He is my only hope, I probably still would have forgotten to make that phone call, and it probably would still have led to the same sticky situation. But I could have turned to the Lord, asked for wisdom and got busy, and guess what, have slept well last night and not been anxious this morning. When will I learn? Psalm 91 reminded me this morning of this truth. When we, in our hearts and our minds, live as though He is the Master and we are the stewards, life’s disappointments, trials, frustrations are way more bearable.
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my, in whom I trust.”…
…You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday…
…Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place- the Most High, who is my refuge-no evil shall be allowed to befall yo, no plague come near your tent…
…Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name.
When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.
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Yes, you heard me right. I actually started a DIY project, and get this…finished it! This post is exclusively for my friend Steph, the DIY queen. She will be so proud. Nathan’s dad helped me finish this project. I forgot to take a before picture, but I do have an after picture. I feel like I’m cheating by calling this a DIY project b/c I really only picked out the fabric and stapled it on to the seat cushion, but as I have so few examples of DIY magic in my life, I’m counting this! I sit at this kitchen table for at least 8 hours a day, 4 days a week, and I can’t tell you how much more enjoyable it was to be sitting on these green beauties today as I worked!
Nathan's dad doing his handy work
The after shot featuring our pumpkin
Close-up. I'm thinking burnt orange and pale yellow will go well with these covers.
From our Bridges quarterly giving statement:
“NOTE: The included contributions were received with no exchange of goods or services other than intangible religious benefits”
Glad I don’t get paid with intangible monetary benefits…
I recently stumbled upon a blog of an old acquaintance from college who once professed faith, but has since walked away. This person had posted an entry regarding that time of life as a list of do’s and don’t s of religion. This brought up something I’ve been chewing on, and Nathan’s been challenging me about for the last few days.
Christians, what are we doing wrong if someone who once came face to face with the Christian faith walked away only to say it consisted of things to do and things to avoid. Are we setting forth an image that we live under law and not under grace? This is particularly difficult for me because I see the world as black and white. There is a right way and a wrong way to everything, and I can tend to apply this to every aspect of life. I’m uncomfortable with gray areas.
Don’t get me wrong. I wholeheartedly embrace the idea of a moral code that God has written on man’s heart that Paul wrote about in Romans 1. But if we leave people with only the law, they will miss the overwhelming joy and relief that is grace through Christ Jesus alone.
It grieves me to admit that there are some who have encountered Christianity because of my life and that have walked away seeing that I simply adhere to this moral code rather than embracing the cross of Christ as my only hope. It is my earnest desire that I would more completely and wholly live as James suggests: “Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.” (James 12:18b) That I would strive to live as God calls us to live as new creations, and cry out to the One who saves and alone gives life when I am reminded that I won’t always be up to the task.
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.” Romans 8:1-4
We are still in the midst of our Fall Visitor Marathon (will post on this later), but thought I would share of few of my (our) favorites lately:
1. Pinkberry. Heaven in the form of frozen yogurt in a cup. For all of you non-West Coasters, it would be worth the flight out here just to have one. Can I get an amen, anyone?
2. Going to dinner parties with Nathan. Dang, I have fun with this man. I love making jokes with him, laughing with him with other people and then the best part is, I get to go home with him.
3. I sincerely think we have amazing in-laws. Both sets of parents have visited us in the last two months and they are so enjoyable and easy to have around. I’ve heard nightmare tales about other’s in-laws, and am so grateful that our parents have begun a great legacy of healthy, happy and God-centered marriages for us to follow.
4. Another shout-out to my husband who came home last night after working a full day to a frazzled and stressed out wife. He sent me off to take a bubble bath and read my magazine Real Simple, while he made dinner.
5. Rainy days have come to Fremont and the Eagles’ household is enjoying it thoroughly.
6. Feeling our first earthquake…EVER. And then promptly deciding on purchasing earthquake insurance for an extra $10 a month!
7. Getting to see so many familiar faces from the Midwest! Thanks to all of you that have come to see us!
8. Getting to spend two WHOLE days with my big sister! Hope we can do it again soon!
9. Our new GPS! It’s given me the freedom and confidence to leave the confines of our 600-plus sqft apartment.
10. Pumpkin patches in the fall. Not Nathan’s favorite or loves, but definitely mine.
11. Alcatraz! We went on this tour with Nathan’s parents this weekend and it was SO cool! It’s a little pricey, but I would venture to say well worth the cash. Thanks to Derek and Pam for treating us!
12. Beginning to feel like our new life here, doesn’t feel so new anymore and is beginning to resemble a routine, and faces are looking more familiar.
And I’ll leave you with a recent photo from one of our trips this last weekend up to the Golden Gate Bridge.
Beautiful day in Marin County
Things around here have been busy with visitors (more to come on that later), work, friends, and trying to get in some down time. And in busy times I forget to check my heart and see where I’m at. Here’s a little of what seems to be going on.
1. Pride: Eck. When did I start behaving, talking, thinking that I have all the answers or that my ways are the best ways. I’ve felt this increasing sense of “unteachableness” to my heart. It is pretty clear lately that I think more highly of myself than I ought to. Ecclesiastes 5:2 says “Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few.” Time to be reminded that I’m the student and that He is the teacher. I hate it when God shows me that I’ve let this go unchecked in my life, and it usually is a humbling experience to be reminded of this. Good thing He extends grace for people like me that forget this often.
2. I don’t like serving Nathan: I get so irritated and even defensive when Nathan asks me to make him coffee in the morning or to do something else for him. I’ve tried to blame it on him being lazy or that I have too much to do, but if I’m honest it’s because I don’t like to serve him and I would rather do things that I benefit from. I like to serve myself. Is this what went through Christ’s mind as His heart and mind overflowed with love for his disciples as he knelt to wash their dirty feet before His death? If I can’t even learn to make Nathan a cup of coffee unbegrudgingly (might not be a word, but it works), then how will I ever communicate to our children someday, or to lost people that Christ’s servanthood and sacrifice compels me to serve others.
3. I’ve become a horder: I don’t like to share the wealth or resources that God has entrusted to us. Recently we were given the opportunity to meet a real need for some friends at some cost to us. But as I laid in bed last night I struggled with the thought of what if they break what we lent them, what can’t we buy or do this month now because of meeting that need. And I was faced with the reality that I hold too tightly to what God has given to us. I have a clenched fist. I want to be a good steward and not horde God’s resources. I know where my treasure ought to be.
It’s days like today that I deeply appreciate that I can say I will never be enough and be reminded that He has filled in that gap for me through Christ. I know He will change these things in my heart and it will only be for His Glory.
Many of you know that before Nathan and I started dating I was hoping to move overseas to work with Muslim people groups, possibly long term. Well, that red-headed, green-eyed boy changed a lot plans I had. And while I wouldn’t take back those decisions, there is still a part of me that struggles with the realization that I will probably never live in a third world Middle-Eastern country and be a part (at least on the ground) of what God is doing there.
Another reason why Nathan is AMAZING, is that he’s helped me see how I can use that same passion within the context of our marriage and where his job is at and he’s totally supportive and excited with me! One of the greater comforts to me in moving out here has been that we just so happened to get moved to an area where we white, potato-looking folks are very much the minority and this place is bursting with all kinds of people groups. I also discovered before moving that there was a World Relief office in San Jose, which is just a little south of us. You can read about this organization here. Their purpose is to help refugees settle into American life, offering English lessons, and a variety of other services, and being the hands and feet of Jesus. Sounds cool, doesn’t it?
Well, last night, I got my first call to meet a family that is flying in today and moving to Fremont. And the kicker is that they are from a country that I started praying about 2 years ago to have some type of contact with. This people group has a larger population in Fremont, but they have so far been very difficult to reach out to. I was positively ecstatic! I was again reminded that God knows the desires of my heart and is faithful to provide. I’ll most likely be meeting with them for a few hours a week, helping with their conversational English and just be a friendly and familiar face in a very different and unfamiliar place, hopefully offering some semblance of stability to them as they’ve just come from a horrific experience.
I guess I didn’t have to go to the Middle East to be used after all, they’re coming to me. AND…I still get to spend the rest of my life with the love of my life. I guess God does know what He’s doing after all.
Since I work from home and tele-commute back to Iowa each day, I sometimes go to Panera near our apartment to work for a change of scenery. The biggest reason I go there is because there is this one woman that is so cheery and pleasant every time I’m there, that she puts me in a good mood.
Today, as I was fixing up my tea she was loading napkins next to me. So I leaned over and told her how much I appreciate her cheerfulness and that she does a great job. Without hesitation she replied how grateful she was to have a job, that she had lost her’s a few months back and Panera hired her right away. So many people in this area are without work, she said, and so she can’t help but bustle around and enjoy her work. She’s paying her bills on time and that’s as much as she can ask for.
I think I forgot to mention that this woman is probably in her 50’s and 60’s. How many of us would be that cheerful, after having lost a decent job and then starting a career in food service at that age. Ah, how convicting.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve complained to Nathan in the last month how I never get out of the house because I’m working from home and how annoyed I am about this and that. But the truth is, I get to spend every morning with my husband, I can work during the day, or at night, in a coffee shop or at my kitchen table. We can pay our bills and I never go to bed worrying about how we’ll be fed the next day.
So thanks, Panera Lady (aka Luci), for reminding me that we have much to be thankful for and that we can still bless others by our cheerful and joyful heart when our circumstances aren’t what we anticipated them to be.
Have you ever been stung by the realization that what sounded like a good idea and practical, in theory, didn’t really play out the way you anticipated in reality? I find this in a lot of things. A recipe accompanied by a scrumptious picture of the finished product , just didn’t taste, nor look the way you excepted it to. Or say, moving to California and being near the ocean sounded great in theory until I came to the hard realization that my friends, family and church didn’t and didn’t want to reside on the west coast? Or that one sweater you had to have because it would be the missing piece of your entire wardrobe, and yet you get it home and find out that the wool is a little too itchy, the color doesn’t flatter you the way you thought it would, or you missed that the sweater was coming unraveled under the arm. Disappointments. The ever elusive “grass is always greener on the other side”.
I had a new experience to add to my list of this very idea. I went to get my haircut today by someone I’d been referred to. I sat in her chair and she explained to me how she was going to cut my hair. It sounded fabulous. I was going to look whimsical, beautiful. I could see it all in my head. I HAD to have that haircut! It was mid-way through her chopping my locks, that I suddenly lifted my eyes to see my stylist’s own hair. I studied it for a while and then a light bulb went on. HER hair actually looked similar to what she had described to me, minus the whimsical and cute part. SHE WAS GIVING ME HER HAIRCUT!!! Let me first explain her haircut in the only way I know how: tired, teased, mid-90’s knockin’ on your door. My breath became shorter and I felt ready to burst forth the water works. (What is it about a bad hair cut that makes women cry as though the last chocolate bar in the world has been sold and consumed, never to be enjoyed by another human being again?!) Luckily I held it together long enough to squeak out, “It’s great”, pay my bill and slip into my car. All errands planned for after my haircut were quickly cancelled and I cried/drove my way home to shower and try to salvage my wreck of a head.
And I realized, I had been duped again. I foolishly believed that what I knew could only be true in theory, would/could play out in reality. Good news is that hair grows back, Nathan is out of town tonight, so I fully intend to drown my sorrows in chick-flicks and comfy pajamas.
